Facing Breakups

Coping with broken relationships online

Those who say that breakups aren’t miserable or downright messy, haven’t really had one Thanks to the digital age and the penetration of social networks in our everyday lives, breakups have become even messier. Whether it is your real life or the virtual one, here are some relationship tips that may be useful to help you “virtually” move on.

 

Stop Stalking: Getting sucked back into toxic relationship is just as easy online, as it is in reality. Every now and then, you will be tempted to look up that person. No matter what the search results are, they are guaranteed to end in disaster. If you see a picture of them gracefully moving on and looking deliriously happy with their new significant other, you may end up feeling like trash. And if they haven’t already found someone (Which rarely happens), you could be sucked back into the same drama at a click of a button.

Start off afresh: If you are still holding onto Facebook messages, wall posts, pictures, or songs on your hard drives that remind you of your ex, then deep down you are just hoping that the storm will pass and things will be fine again. Destroy everything that you ever received from them or that reminds you of them. This may not be as cathartic as burning a hole into their pictures and flushing the remnants down the toilet, but it is just as integral for your sanity. Do not, we repeat, do not go through each before deleting them: reading those messages may cloud your sense and reasons and result in a regretful relapse. Remember that because they deleted you from their life, you have every right to delete them from yours.

Delete Mutual Friends: People you met through ex-it’s best to let them go. This means their friends, families and colleagues. Unless your relationship with them is independent of your relationship with your ex, they should no longer remain your friends on Facebook or otherwise. This may sound a bit extreme, but it could be the one thing that could alleviate the inevitable pain. You’d be tempted to find out what your ex is up to via mutual friends-which will only make you feel worse.

Don’t do anything spiteful: Hacking someone’s Facebook account or e-mail address may seem like the thing to do when you are overwhelmed with hurt and anger- when you want to know the truth and make sense of things. However, in the grand scheme of things, it never really helps. Let’s say your stalking skills combined with your computer skills land you in the midst of their world; do not fool yourself into thinking that this will undo the pain or confusion, or bring in that much needed closure.

Status update: Though updating your Facebook status with morbid poetry by Edgar Allen Poe may seem apt, it will only make you come across as attention-seeking and pathetic to colleagues, relatives and acquaintances. Even worse, it may lead to embarrassing questions from family and friends. At the same time, don’t post pictures of new or potential beaus to prove that you have moved on, hoping that your ex would accidentally see them and want you back in a fit of raging jealousy. In fact, this may be the time for you to take a hiatus from informing everyone about every detail of your life.

Internet Therapy: E-zines, Yahoo! Answers and Wikipedia are not equipped to be your therapist. You cannot find the answer to your most intimate questions from a lot that could very well be a bunch of old, bored men sitting in boxer shorts. Try friends-and not ones found in breakup chatrooms and discussion forums. If you don’t help, try a real therapist.

Softening The Blow: If you are the one initiating the breakup, here are some tips to make the breakup easier for the other person.

Don’t Use Facebook or e-mails to breakups:  Although it seems to wriggle out of a relationship through a lengthy and frequently revised e-mail, or by changing your relationship status on Facebook, it may just be the most cowardly way of getting out of it. It is important to give the other person some closure-something that cannot be achieved by simply stating the reasons and walking off into the sunset. If, however , you have already done that, expect some anger, severe resentment, bad blood and bad karma.

Unfriend your ex: Once the breakup has been set in stone, unfriend your ex on Facebook-even if they haven’t. This will make it easier for them to move on . Save them from wanting to curl up and die every time you post pictures of your fabulous life with your significant other-unless that’s what you want. In that case, one word: karma.

At the end of it all, one must realize that although the Web might make things all the more difficult to mend a broken heart, it’s also a great place to nurture new relationships. You can always stay in touch with family and connect with long-lost friends through e-mails and social networks. You can spend quality time reading good e-books and magazines, writing and anonymous blog about your sour relationship and the difficulties you faced moving on. Just remember to keep your head held high. Set your Facebook status to, “This Too, Shall Pass”-because eventually, it will.